Download Final Fantasy 5 Spoof ROM Hack

   -  FF5Spoof v1.10                             -Help support the
   -  By:  Tzepish                                anti-ASCII art
           tzepish at gmail dot com               movement!

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  A.)  Basic Info

  * ff5spoofv1.10.rar/ff5spoofv1.10.zip should contain the following:

  - ff5spoofv1.10.txt:
    The file you are reading right now, this very second.
    If this file is missing from the archive, well...

  - ff5spoofv1.10_header.ips:
  - ff5spoofv1.10_no_header.ips:
    The actual patch files. Use a tool like Lunar IPS to apply it to a JAPANESE
    FF5 ROM that has *NOT BEEN PATCHED* with anything else. Not RPGe's
    translation, not J121's GBA script port, not anything!

    If you apply this patch to a translated ROM, or a modified ROM, or
    an entirely different ROM, or an entirely different file, I have no idea
    what will happen, so just don't do it.

    Also, make sure to use the _header patch if your FF5 ROM has a 512 byte
    header, otherwise use the _no_header patch. If you aren't sure which
    patch to use, check the file size of your ROM by right-clicking on it and
    selecting Properties. If your ROM is...

    * 2,097,664 bytes -> use ff5spoofv1.10_header.ips
    * 2,097,152 bytes -> use ff5spoofv1.10_no_header.ips


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  B.)  Readme Contents

    A.)  Basic Info
    B.)  Readme Contents
    C.)  FF5Spoof Backstory
    D.)  FF5Spoof's First Full Release
    E.)  What's new in v1.10?
    F.)  What else is changed?
    G.)  Additional Credits and Thanks
    H.)  How legal is this?
    I.)  The Disclaimer!
    J.)  The End... or The Beginning?


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  C.)  FF5Spoof Backstory

    Welcome to the world of FF5Spoof! Yes, this is a comedy hack of Final
    Fantasy 5, and no, it isn't lame (I hope). This hack's biggest feature is
    that (unlike many other "spoofs") it isn't filled with juvenile humor!

    What follows is a history of this project, but in effect, it is a history
    of all RPG spoof hacks in general. If you aren't interested in all this,
    feel free to skip to the next section, which contains more information on
    the spoof itself, rather than its history.

    Our tale begins in the dark ages of SNES ROM hacking. The Playstation just
    came out. The internet was just coming out of its early adoption phase. I
    was 15. Back then, we didn't have fancy "table files" and the inner
    workings of SNES pointer tables were still mostly a mystery. I would spend
    hours tweaking and fixing various SNES games with a hex editor - pages and
    pages of hand-written hex notes littered my work space. Then, I would
    simply delete my work.

    "That was fun!" I'd think to myself as I moved on to the next experiment.
    I didn't have a concept of "projects" or patch files, and I had never
    intended to do anything long term. That is, until I found zophar.net and
    learned what a "ROM Hack" was. Shortly thereafter I found a website called
    "Bad SNES Spoofs", which specialized in SNES Spoofs of dubious quality...
    or so they'd have you believe. In truth, these spoofs really were the first
    and greatest of a long line of RPG spoofs that, as many of you are aware,
    would end in ruin. Before "Spoofs" had become synonymous with the dregs of
    ROM hacking, the ROM hackers of Bad SNES Spoofs toiled away at writing
    actual comedy.

    It was not long before I decided I wanted to join the team, and so I
    emailed them asking for membership. Long story short, I was told to pick
    a SNES RPG and get to spoofing. I chose Final Fantasy 5 because it always
    annoyed me, and I had no nostalgia for it whatsoever. Spending hundreds of
    hours in its guts, however, gave me a new appreciation for it.

    Writing the first few scenes was an exercise in painful euphoria. Though
    I loved what I was doing, the methodology was meticulous and headache-
    inducing. Without pointer tables I was extremely limited: each scene took
    about five hours of writing/brainstorming. I believe it may have been for
    this reason that I ended up taking the easy way out. With my creativity
    held tightly in check, I ended up filling the dialogue windows with crude
    humor. At the time it was still funny, because the novelty of seeing swear
    words and such in an SNES game hadn't gotten old yet. But if I could have
    seen into the future, I would have made a different choice.

    In time, hex editors that utilized table files became widely available,
    and then, premade table files themselves. Not long after that, dialogue
    editors and entire game editors had become available. Suddenly, it no
    longer required any effort or knowledge to become a ROM hacker. Dozens of
    teenagers discovered the joy of making SNES characters swear, each less
    clever than the last.

    A flood of crappy "spoofs" started appearing, and Bad SNES Spoofs was
    starting to suffocate. Their first hack was called "FF6Spoof" - because
    that's all they had to call it. Little did they know that they'd be
    competing with a landslide of Final Fantasy 6 "spoofs". I think we had
    all become pretty discouraged. Bad SNES Spoofs was eventually no more.

    I quit FF5Spoof and began working on other small projects for a while. I
    watched the crappy spoof hacks roll in, none more than 30% complete, none
    more than 30% funny. The community reaction to the word "spoof" became
    almost universally negative, even to those who had never attempted playing
    one. It was quite sad, in truth, because the idea of a videogame parody
    is a viable one, but it seemed as though a good, well-written spoof was
    doomed to never happen.

    At some point, after running all these thoughts through my head, I decided
    that FF5Spoof was worth completing after all - I'd just have to start
    over. And I'd have to set goals for myself to ensure that I did not fall
    into the same traps as I had before; the same traps that nearly all RPG
    spoofs have fallen into since.


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  D.)  FF5Spoof's First Full Release

    When I started over, I set the following goals for the project:

    1.) No crude humor. The biggest problem with most every "spoof" hack out
        there is the ridiculous amount of juvenile humor. As I elaborated on
        above (in the backstory section), this is a result of ROM hacking
        becoming easier and more accessable to everyone, including teenagers
        who think sex jokes are hilarious. Now, sex jokes can be hilarious,
        but so can jokes of any other stripe. Thus, I set to write the
        funniest script I could, and to keep the crude humor to a very low
        level.

    2.) The plot must be good in its own right. It's easy enough to make the
        characters say whatever happens to be funny at the moment, but the
        experience is far more enjoyable if the story makes sense. FF5 also
        had huge amounts of free space within the ROM - I wanted to put it to
        use. Thus, FF5Spoof's script is longer than FF5's, and I believe the
        plot is better as well (but I'm biased, seeing as I wrote the thing).
        FF5's story was pretty bland - I never cared about anything other than
        getting kickass abilities. This time around, hopefully you'll find the
        plot a little more interesting.

    3.) The characters must be believable. Before I began my rewrite, I knew
        I had to give each character strong, definitive personality traits.
        The second goal was to write the dialogue as if it was spoken by actual
        people, not just information boxes with a character's name pasted in
        front. I played a lot of RPGs and simply observed the dialogue, and
        noticed many patterns, strengths, and weaknesses of particular writing
        styles. I couldn't imagine actual people talking the way characters do
        in Ted Woolsey's stuff, but the characters in Lufia 2 sound
        surprisingly human. The dialogue in Earthbound nails that awkward
        imperfection that most people actually speak with.

    4.) It must be funny. This is obvious, but given the RPG "spoof"'s sordid
        history, it is worth mentioning. This project is a comedy; I had to
        keep this in mind while I was writing my new plot. And I had to
        forget all other "spoofs" that came before this one. Finally, I
        wanted to write not just a comedy, but a *good* comedy; this entailed
        several hundreds of hours of revision and polish. As best I could, I
        made sure every scene was either funny or important to the plot. The
        last thing I want is for the player to ever feel like they are wasting
        their time; this is crucial to the spoof being an enjoyable experience.

    If all went according to plan, FF5Spoof turned out to be a humorous,
    consistent story that is on par with FF5. Did I succeed?  Well, I believe
    that I did, but I suppose that will be up to you to decide.


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  E.)  What's new in v1.10?

    Version 1.10 improves upon the previous release in several ways:

    1.) Cool it with the offensive humor and "punching down". If v1.00 was
        about applying the wisdom I had gained from age 15 to 25 to reduce the
        crude humor in the spoof, v1.10 is about applying the wisdom gained
        from age 25 to 35 in reducing *actual societal harm* caused by the
        spoof.

        This entailed rewriting:
        * Offensive stereotypes (both intentional and unintentional ones),
          re: racism, sexism, homophobia.
        * Flippant treatment of serious and harmful topics, such as suicide and
          domestic abuse.
        * Places where toxic assumptions had seeped into my writing, without my
          even noticing. For example, blaming the poor for being poor, or
          letting politicians off the hook by treating them as if they were
          stupid rather than malicious.

        These cases were replaced either by "punching up" jokes (ie: making fun
        of homophobes instead of making fun of gay people), by correcting the
        toxic assumptions (ie: replacing a joke about taxes being too high with
        a joke about a politician's golf trips), or simply with new writing.

        In every case the quality of the spoof increased. This process really
        opened my eyes to how easy it is to actually avoid this kind of
        "humor". There are a million ways to be funny without harming people in
        real life. Those who write this kind of humor (and those who fight to
        preserve it by crying "censorship" at attempts to change it) are not
        defending "free speech" or "artistic expression" - they are attempting
        to prop themselves up by putting others down. The world is already a
        terrible place. The least we can do as writers is not make it worse.

    2.) More consistent characterization. There were several places in the
        spoof where the core four would break character in order to advance
        the plot the way I wanted or to make a joke I wanted to make. At the
        time I guess I decided that the trade-off was worth it. This time
        around, I knew I could do better.

        For example, early in the game Bartz (the spoof's straight man)
        broke character to excitedly drink from a fetid pond, because I
        wanted to make a joke about recovery springs being disgusting swamps.
        This time, however, Bartz incorrectly identifies it as a normal
        recovery spring, then Galuf observes that it's actually a disgusting
        swamp, but hopefully it will still heal the team.

        In some cases I simply switched characters but otherwise kept the
        dialogue the same. For example, later in the game Lenna breaks
        character by threatening a moogle (no spoilers here beyond that).
        This time it's Faris that makes the threats, which is more consistent
        with both Lenna's and Faris's characterizations.

    3.) More variety in insults, exclamations, and sentence structure. I'm
        simply a better writer than I was 12 years ago when I released v1.0.
        I found several places in the script where I missed an opportunity
        for humor, foreshadowing, a callback, or clarity. I also improved
        several sentences in subtle ways for increased impact.

        For example, "I think Galuf's is a terrible idea, but it's the best
        you have" is serviceable, but "I think Galuf's is the best idea you
        have, and it's horrible" does a better job of upending expectations.

        Another example: "holy crap" was a too-common exclamation, and "idiot"
        a too-common insult. In the new version, the characters have more
        colorful things to say, and certain insults now "belong" to certain
        characters (another example of improved characterization).

    4.) Fewer name changes without good reason. The previous version was filled
        with cameos that were funny to me and my friends, but not necessarily
        to the wider audience. The biggest example of this was the 12 sealed
        weapons, but there were also monster, item, and character names that
        were changed for no good (or for not good enough) reasons. If a name
        change didn't enhance the final product for *everyone*, then it was
        reverted.

    5.) Additional bug fixes and usability enhancements have been added.
        See the next section for details.


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  F.)  What else is changed?

    Aside from all the in-game text, the following bug fixes, enhancements,
    and misc changes have been made to the game:

    1.) The spoof was reimplemented into a new ROM, based on J121's GBA Script
        Port (http://www.romhacking.net/hacks/3687) instead of RPGe's
        translation. Thus, it uses J121's font, and it includes all the fixes
        that are included in that project (they are still listed below - see
        numbers 9 and down).

    2.) New snazzy window borders for dialogue windows. Actually, this took me
        about two seconds in Tile Layer Pro, but it succeeds in giving the
        spoof a different look.

    3.) Additional text and window enhancements that are non-Spoof related that
        would have made the original better as well. For example, when learning
        a new blue magic spell, it'll say "Learned blue magic 'Aero'!" instead
        of "Learned Aero!". 

    4.) My Automatic Sprint and Learning mod is included in this patch
        (http://www.romhacking.net/hacks/3746), so that these abilities are
        always considered active - you can always hold B to sprint and you will
        always learn any witnessed blue magic. If you prefer the "Always
        Sprint" version instead of the "Hold B to Sprint" version, you can
        apply that patch over the Spoof without issue. (Thanks Praetarius5018
        and JLukas!)

    5.) The map is no longer missable. You now always have the ability to use
        the Y button to view the map. (Thanks STARWIN!)

    6.) Better item descriptions. Additional item descriptions were added, and
        misleading or incorrect descriptions have been fixed. However, since
        the game can only handle 64 total descriptions, I had to decide which
        were important enough to show and which were not.

        * Items whose names made their function obvious didn't get a
          description. For example, it's obvious that the Ice Shield absorbs
          ice, so it didn't make the cut, but it's NOT obvious that the Diamond
          Shield reduces thunder damage, so I added that one.

        * In some cases I renamed the item rather than using a precious item
          description slot on it. For example, the Coral Sword was renamed to
          the Thunder Blade.

        * I removed the descriptions that said a weapon could be Enchanted or
          used with Two-Handed Grip. Instead, the descriptions for the Enchant
          and 2xGrip abilities specify the weapon types they can be used on.
          This freed up several more description slots.

        * Finally, some weapons and armors had their names and icons changed
          for consistency. For example, Diamond Plate was a light armor with a
          heavy armor icon (and heavy-sounding name), so I renamed it to
          Diamond Vest and gave it a light armor icon.

    7.) Most missable items and spells are no longer missable!
        These missables can now be purchased at the secret village at the end
        of the game:
        * Shiva Summon
        * Ramuh Summon
        * Shoat Summon
        * Carbuncle Summon
        * Thief's Glove

        These missables are now guaranteed drops from bosses:
        * Blitz Whip from Minotaur
        * Power Staff from Omniscient
        * Tinkerbell from Twintania
        * Titan's Glove from Azulmagia

        The rest of the missables:
        * The three missable Bard songs can be purchased in later magic shops.
        * Some of the secret village's original missable spells had to be moved
          to the Moore magic shop to make room for the summons.
        * The three missable minor equipment items (Kenpo Gi, Iron Shield,
          and Spear) can be purchased at Crescent.
        * The Genji equipment is still missable!
          Make sure to steal from Gilgamesh!

    8.) Galuf's Ghost in the Sealed Castle Fix: Just trust me, this bug is
        fixed.

    9.) Galuf's ginger hair: Galuf's hair is no longer a different color in
        battle than out of it. (Thanks J121!)

   10.) Captured Monster Name Fix: Monsters caught with Catch will now be shown
        in the Status menu. (Thanks noisecross!)

   11.) Chicken Berserk Fix: Fixes the bug that causes the Chicken Knife to
        randomly freeze the game if you have a team of Berserkers. (Thanks
        noisecross!)

   12.) Walk Through Walls Fixes: Fixes for various places where the player can
        walk through walls where not intended. (Thanks noisecross!)

   13.) Blessed Kiss Fix: Blessed Kiss will no longer ignore a monster target's
        Berserk immunity. (Thanks instructrtrepe!)

   14.) Exile Dud Fix: When releasing the Moss Fungus or the Gel Fish monsters,
        the Exile spell now has a greater than 0% chance of working. (Thanks
        instructrtrepe!)

   15.) Fractional M Parameter Fix: Knives and other Agility weapons will now
        properly use both Strength AND Agility for determining damage. (Thanks
        instructrtrepe!)

   16.) Observe Fix: The "Observe" command will now show monster weaknesses in
        addition to HP, as it was intended. (Thanks instructrtrepe!)

   17.) Power Drink Fix: Power Drinks actually work now! (Thanks
        instructrtrepe!)

   18.) Galuf Gaffe Fix: Fixes a case where you can end up seeing two Galufs if
        Galuf is your party leader when he "steps out" of your sprite for an
        event. (Thanks Leet Sketcher!)

   19.) Quick Death: Speeds up the monster dissolve animation that plays when a
        normal monster dies (Thanks Leet Sketcher!)

   20.) Bartz Blue Mage Sprite Fix: Bartz's blue mage left hand attack
        animations now look normal instead of super buggy. (Thanks Grond!)

   21.) Landing Fix: Prevents you from permanently losing chocobos or vehicles
        by landing them in the wrong places. (Thanks Xardas!)


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  H.)  Additional Credits and Thanks

    Though most of FF5Spoof is my own work (minus, of course, FF5 itself,
    which it was built upon), there were several contributions made by these
    fine folk:

  - RPGe:
     Their fan translation (v1.10) is what the original version of FF5Spoof was
     based on. If it weren't for them, well, who knows?

  - J121:
     Made the GBA Script Port mod, finally bringing FF5 "officially" to the
     SNES. This mod is what the new version of FF5Spoof is based on.

  - noisecross:
     Already thanked above for various bug fixes, but noisecross also made the
     FF5e Text Editor, which was the primary tool used for the new version of
     FF5Spoof.

  - Bongo`:
     The writer of Windhex, my favorite ROM hacking hex editor. Windhex was
     used for the rest of the text hacking - whatever FF5e Text Editor couldn't
     do.

  - ZackMan:
     The writer of Thingy32. This was my previous favorite hex editor. It was
     used during the development of the original version of FF5Spoof.

  - Necrosaro:
     The writer of Thingy. Thingy was what I used before Thingy32! The majority
     of the text hacking in the original version of FF5Spoof was done in
     Thingy.

  - Statto:
     The writer of FF5se, a save state editor. Boy did this tool make my life
     easier.

  - OhNoMelon:
     Compiled a huge bank of FF5 save files that helped me a ton!

  - SnowBro:
     The writer of Tile Layer Pro. Tile Layer Pro was used for all the graphics
     hacking, of which there wasn't much! But thank you still!

  - Killa B:
     The writer of TUSH - a super useful SNES header tool that everyone should
     download.

  - RinkWorks:
     Their "Dialectizer" tool helped with the dialogue for various characters.
     http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/

  - Zero GreenSabre:
     My most thorough tester. Was always there for me when I needed something
     quick, difficult, or random tested. Provided lots of useful feedback.

  - Citizen Bleys:
     Writer of Frig7, and fan of Bad SNES Spoofs since day1. He provided a ton
     of useful feedback that inspired me to put out the new version!

  - satsu & Refried:
     These guys started Bad SNES Spoofs!
     Living legends as far as I'm concerned.

    In addition, the following wonderful people contributed jokes, ideas, or
    simply helped me make this thing in some way:

  - Tonedore
  - Dross
  - Scho-Ju Wajasaki
  - Lord Bildo
  - Trailmixx
  - Schemp
  - Jerek
  - RandMOne


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  G.)  How legal is this?

    That depends on who you talk to! It's probably more legal than the
    translation patches it was based on. Just think of this as a sort of
    interactive fanfic. And regardless of the legality of the FF5 ROM, the
    patch itself is perfectly legal. As is this readme file. Hopefully.

    You need to own a hard copy of Final Fantasy 5 to download the FF5 ROM
    legally, but I've taken care of that for you. When you begin the game, go
    to your key item menu. Bingo. It seems Bartz has been playing some FF5.


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  I.)  The Disclaimer!

    --  (C) 1999 - 2020  Tzepish (Blaine Higdon)

    --  ff5spoofv1.10.rar/ff5spoofv1.10.zip is not to be distributed with any
        other files (especially ROMs). It is not to contain any files other
        than ff5spoofv1.10.txt and ff5spoofv1.10.ips.
        
    --  Tzepish is not responsible for any damages done to your computer,
        whether you use his patches or not.

    --  Tzepish is in no way affiliated with any group/company mentioned
        within this readme or within the spoof itself.

    --  Tzepish is in no way connected or affiliated with any company in any
        way. In fact, I hate companies. Companies and all products
        partaining to that company are trademarks of that company (makes
        sense). Please contact that company for trademark and copyright
        information, that is, if you want it. I don't have it.


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  J.)  The End... or The Beginning?

    Thanks for reading this entire thing. Though this is the end of the
    readme file, it is the beginning of the spoof. Go play it!